Why Women Want To Have Sex With Vampires

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brad pitt vampire

Okay, full disclosure here. I'm not a vampire fanatic. I've never watched Buffy or True Blood and the extent of my undead readings have been (sigh) the Twilight series and Interview with a Vampire all those years ago. So these musings on why vampires are so darned screwable is not from hours of drooling over specific characters, but looking at the general feminine yearnings that are represented in our male, undead counterparts. While it could be argued that women want to have sex with vampires because actors such as Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise play these characters (forgive me for not being over the moon for whoever played Edward, I'm in my thirties after all,) but I really think it has more to do with masculine consciousness and habitual cultural attractions than anything else.

This article explores the characteristics of vampires as a metaphor for qualities of masculine energy and while we likely wouldn't swoon over a pasty white predator who will never die, a man with deep, penetrating consciousness, who's full hearted purpose leaves his lower impulses in the dust? Sign. Me. Up.

Back when the Twilight series first came out, like any self-respecting mother, I held back. I will not be sucked in to some adolescent fantasy, I thought. But then some friends, of similar age, similar life circumstances, were like "Why would you not read this book? Why would you deny yourself an adolescent fantasy?!" Oh dear friends, such wise words, perhaps I was taking myself too seriously. I was warned though, don't read it if you have anything you have to do. So when the flu swept my household, I was swept away by Twilight. Now, this is not a book review and let's not get all caught up in whether or not this is a good book, quality literature and all of that. But this sucker, like so many vampires, will certainly make you feel. But why?


That whole "Edward shimmers" thing...whatever. I get it, women like sparkly objects. That was too easy. I'd argue though that most of us don't want our men to sparkle. We want to sparkle, we want a man to be drawn to that sparkle...like a moth to a flame...or like a vampire to the scent of our blood.

The Hunt

Okay ladies, who doesn't want to be hunted? Let's be clear, I'm not talking about being stalked, attacked and raped here. But seen, zeroed in on, pursued, and claimed. The desire to be so radiant that we lure a man with our shine is expressed in metaphor as the vampire hunts its victim. The scent of the blood makes her irresistible and he's insatiable and going to hunt her and devour her until there's nothing left.


If feminine essence or energy is the ever moving, embodied chaos of life, masculine essence or energy is the unmoving, unchanging consciousness beyond death. He's not alive, yet he's not dead. He's unchanging and steady. This is polarizing and knee-weakening for the feminine. There's something about that which we can count on will never change, flutter or fluster that makes us able to relax, even if there's a threat that we'll be eaten. Perhaps because there's a threat that we'll be eaten.

vampire diaries

The Bad Boy

Okay, maybe this one has nothing to do with masculine consciousness and more to do with the fact that women are ridiculous. The only thing that's sexier than the Bad Boy is a reformed Bad Boy. You know, he used to be all into hard-core stuff like sucking the blood and life-force out of humans. But now, he's transcended his badass ways and is a contributing member of society, which feels like a greater accomplishment than simply being a contributing member of society without a badass past because 'he's been through sooooo much.' Add to this that 'he changed and became a better man because of me' and we're all swooning aren't we? What could bolster up your womanly self image more than being the lady behind the legend? (barf)


My vampire boyfriend can totally kick your human boyfriend's ass. If a love story doesn't have a scene where the male protagonist defends and protects his woman, they totally missed an easy opportunity to make us get all gushy. The feminist in me hates this. But that wiring feels so deep, to choose a man that can lead and protect the tribe, ensuring the offspring thrive. Vampires are of course stronger, faster, and near impossible to kill. So if your vampire boyfriend can resist his urge to suck you dead, you're a shoo-in for survival. And looking like hot shit in front of your girlfriends with their dudes who can't lift cars in the air is alright too.

neck bite

Sexual Self-Control

So when a vampire falls in love with you, now what? He also wants to suck your blood until you're dead. I'm not going to pretend I know what it's like to have the sexual impulse of a man, but rumour has it, that pretty much runs the show. As a woman, feeling a man's sexual desire is exciting (see being hunted) but if we disappear, if that sexual desire is in the forefront, if we could be any hot blooded woman, well that just feels gross. A man whose heart leads, whose deep care reaches further than his erection and can maintain that level of loving presence, even in the act of lovemaking is far more attractive, nourishing and honouring than a shallow ravenous impulse to get off. For the vampires who are hungry for blood, but keep their primal yearnings and needs in check for the sake of their love, well that creates some deep trust.

So what does this mean for us? Should men try to be more like vampires? Should women dump their dudes for fictional characters? As someone who loathes passing up a reflective opportunity, I find it fascinating to dig into why we're attracted to what we're attracted to. Can vampires as a metaphor for relationship tell us about what we want, need and ache for? Can it show us where our habits, kinks and compulsions are? Maybe it can lead us to become more curious and conscious about who we are as masculine and feminine beings. Or maybe we should just kick back in some sexy clothes, throw on True Blood and call it foreplay.


Editors: Chris Dierkes, TJ Dawe

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  • Comment Link Gregor Bingham Wednesday, 20 June 2012 20:46 posted by Gregor Bingham

    Love it, thinking about it, biting down on it.
    I am a big Anne Rice fan...

  • Comment Link James Barrow Thursday, 21 June 2012 19:50 posted by James Barrow

    Great article - thanks Chela.

  • Comment Link Paul England Friday, 22 June 2012 18:40 posted by Paul England

    Jnani Vampire For a Day....

    In transylvania "I" shoveled bat shit and cleaned the vampires lair....

    In Pennsylvania "I" pumped gas and removed coal from the bowels of earth's despair....

    As a nubian prince, "I" wandered, black skin glistening with the oils of women's scent....

    Then a funeral director, "I" became, a keeper of the veil thus rent!

    "I" strolled in King's processions, looked through the peasant's eyes....

    Humbly, then proudly did "I" walk - the shores of endless mind....

    Like stars hung in the heavens, "I" glowed then died divine....

    All births "I" thus re-membered, and knew my own disguise.

    I could not resist Chela - I evidently retained this bit of prose from years gone by for just such an occasion, and it has been said of me that I seem to favor black capes with red linings....

    Just a little Friday fun...

    Free neck bites upon request, subject to review of requestor's medical records, personal history, and appearance of subject on appointment date.... I need to be "motivated" :-)

  • Comment Link Kees Steeneken Wednesday, 27 June 2012 22:09 posted by Kees Steeneken

    "For the vampires who are hungry for blood, but keep their primal yearnings and needs in check for the sake of their love, well that creates some deep trust"

    i am drawn to the lead-in to this - the willingness to risk all, even death, to find this (trust, perfection, self?). "I will risk all for perfection, no ..."

    is the perfect boy friend not about the boy but about what it says about you?

    so 50 shades...

  • Comment Link René Claveau Wednesday, 04 July 2012 20:53 posted by René Claveau

    I like that you aren't "into" vampires, it lends a more objective perspective to a widely-discussed topic.

    These ideas of base, primal instincts at work make sense, but I think there might be another factor. The whole notion of immortality suggests a maturity in vampire men which is rarely found in their human counterparts. What woman wouldn't want a mature, educated, physically extraordinary, stable man to choose them over every other woman he might have set his sights on? What greater validation can a woman ask for? It places the woman in a position of great power, to hold sway over such a powerful, dangerous man. It would be intoxicating, to have the attention of such a man.

    It doesn't quite work the other way around, does it? Men don't want to be hunted, we are the hunters. A female vampire would be a threat to everything it means to be male. Physically capable, able to reproduce on their own, and undomesticated. Female vampires have no need for a man, except, perhaps, for love, the one thing men are notoriously bad at. No man would be comfortable in a relationship based solely on love.

    There is one aspect of female vampires that is immensely attractive to men: it would be the ultimate conquest, to dominate the superior predator. But that attraction is too close to rape to be socially acceptable, and it's a short-term attraction at best.

    Good brain food, thanks Chela!

  • Comment Link Chela Davison Thursday, 05 July 2012 17:30 posted by Chela Davison

    Gregor, James and Paul...
    Thanks for being here. Odd, I posted a response to your comments a while ago, but it seems not to have stuck!
    Paul, thanks for the prose and the fun, such topics certainly bring these pieces out...

    Kees...I'm not entirely clear on what you're saying. There seems to be a collapsing of trust with perfection?

    Are you speaking to the risk as that of being the woman willing to risk herself for the potential perfection of her vampire mate?

    While I'm not totally clear...when you say that 'is the perfect boy friend not about the boy but what it says about you?' are you pointing to my own projections of what I see as perfection and thus these assessments of why Vampires are sexy speaks to me and my own personal preferences?
    If this is what you're saying...then.. perhaps.
    Although this piece was written less from my own personal patterns of attraction in relationship and more from an abstract imagining in regards to some thick themes in culture and masc/fem energy.
    But I would agree that any imaginings I have of the perfect mate, or the idealization of a man would be about me and now about them.

    There was some behind the scene discussion about whether this theory could be flipped. One argument as to why men may want to be with female vampires was simply that they're played by hot chicks in movies. But that the actual pull towards the opposite sex just doesn't match up, as you're stating here. Your points make good sense and I laughed out loud about men being notoriously bad at love.

    I appreciate your further fleshing out of the immortality piece for women.
    Thanks for being here.

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