Is BetchesLoveThis.com For Real?

Written by TJ Dawe

Banner at BetchesLoveThis.com I'm fascinated/confounded by the website BetchesLoveThis.com. It seems to be a strange mash-up of Gossip Girl and Stuff White People Like (the site mostly consists of a list (120 items and counting)(each item being a short article) of things betches, apparently, love (for instance, Clubbing, Insensitivity, Little Dogs, the Fuck Buddy, Being Late, Hating Nice Guys, the Kardashians, Diet Coke, and Not Having Sex With Bros (Sometimes)). Or perhaps it's Sex and the City meets The Onion? That's the thing - I can't tell if they mean any of it or not. Is this a manifesto or satire?

But first - what's a "betch"? A young woman of a very specific demeanour. As they explain on the site:

woman standing posed so the sun shines through her thighs "She's the one who has everything figured out. Everything she associates with is trendy, every guy she interacts with wants to date her and every girl she meets is desperate to be her friend. She speaks her mind and commands a room just by being in it. She's never waited on line at a club or bar in her life. … A betch is quick and she owns whatever situation she's in. She always gets what she wants; be it guys, school, friendships, or a career."

This segues nicely into the most popular post on the site: Winning

"So there's this bro you've wanted to hook up with for a while now. Being the betch that you are, it's only a matter of time before you conquer him. … Since betches don't have actual feelings, winning is not about the fulfillment of any sort of need for love and affection, or because you actually give a shit about anyone … Caring is the opposite of winning. Winning is our mechanism to get the ultimate prize: power and control. There's nothing more important to a betch than being on top."

So this is tongue in cheek, right? Has to be. As a comment left by Read Between the Lines says:

"this site is intended for humor, mostly. It is not meant to be taken seriously."

woman wearing sunglasses But PrincessBetch commented:

"LMAO absolutely best website everr. you know your a true betch when you can relate to every single post."

Betch Who Hides Emotion concurs:

"i usually read these posts and internally laugh my ass off while saying in my head 'so true. so true. Yes, this is my life'. this post however, i couldn't fucking contain myself anymore! thanks, betches!"

Who's writing the content on the site, anyway? It's all unsigned. In "About a Betch," the "Head Betches" say "We intend to keep our identity a secret indefinitely."

So they're distancing themselves from the culture they're writing about. Right?

laughing women Read Between the Lines said:

"If you do not see the truth behind these hyperbolic statements, you are not paying attention to the social dynamic of college-age (give or take) kids. Social interaction is entirely a battle of who can care less, at least for the initial courtship."

But whether the site is parodying this culture or glorifying it - is this the face of young womanhood today? How many women in their early twenties see themselves in this? Are high school girls reading this site, and aspiring to this ethos of hedonism, consumerism and narcissism?

Another quote from About a Betch:

"Haters and nice people may label us 'narcissistic' but a betch knows that believing in herself is all it takes for everyone else to believe in her. A betch is treated well by everyone because she knows she's hot shit."

Oy. Glad I'm not trying to swim in that dating pool.

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9 comments

Comment Link Monday, 14 November 2011 23:42 posted by Sarah Olson
Wow, I can definitely say I have never heard of this site before reading your post. I'm also a little confounded (and a wee bit shocked, it must be said).

There is no way this is a pure parody, because it is not quite funny or intelligent enough. There may be something in the unapologetic embrace of the extremes of the "Betch" approach (the piece on "how to drink" suggests blackouts every time, for example) that has an slight edge of humorous self-awareness. But true satire? No, unfortunately I really don't think so.

It is interesting though, isn't it. I'd be curious as to how you came across this site? There is definitely a lot of darkness and emptiness, isn't there? A sense of "fuck you" that is masquerading as power. But power over who? And to do what? Certainly not to find a well-lived, meaningful life. It seems like anything resembling sincerity, emotion, vulnerability would lead to immediate expulsion from the club, which ultimately feels like a profoundly defensive position.

Good stuff TJ, I look forward to hearing what other Beams readers think of this one!
Comment Link Tuesday, 15 November 2011 04:32 posted by TJ Dawe
Thanks Sarah. Your observation: "anything resembling sincerity, emotion, vulnerability would lead to immediate expulsion from the club" reminds me of the themes in Gabor Mate and Gordon Neufeld's book Hold On To Your Kids, about peer orientation, and how in peer culture the ruling ethos is cool, putting yourself above vulnerability and openness. This leads to a psychological and emotional dead end, as it kills curiosity and any genuine emotional connection. But young people in our society grow up in a peer culture, and this doesn't seem to be getting any better.

I found this site through a friend's posting something about it on Facebook. I suppose it's encouraging that it's not a strain of culture strong enough to have wormed its way into all of our consciousnesses. There's no entry for "betches" on wikipedia, and the auto-correct on my text edit program I used to write this piece kept changing the word to "betties."
Comment Link Tuesday, 15 November 2011 16:39 posted by Chris Dierkes
Crew,

Thanks for this. Having just (like 8 hours ago) returned from Miami, I can tell you from first hand experience, betch culture is alive and thriving. Holy f#@! balls (or ovaries perhaps?)!

I had never heard of the term betch (and I didn't know about the site prior to TJ's piece), but man alive was it on display down there. Wowza.

So I don't know if the site is a parody or not, but certainly there are plenty of women living that way in non-parodied form. And they weren't all 20 year olds either.

To throw out an idea--as a cultural frame, it seems to me it's what happens when (immature) postmodernity deconstructs modernity (or hyper-intensifies it) and doesn't actually bring us to real postmodernity, leaving a very self-centered power drive. 2nd and 3rd chakra stuff neglecting the 4th (the heart-notice all the emphasis on repressing emotion).
Comment Link Tuesday, 15 November 2011 20:19 posted by Philip Corkill
Maybe its a marketing tool?

Someone clever is planning to a large pallet of products under the brand Betches LT. This is a way of creating the customer.

It's not funny enough to be good satire but it's not authentic enough to be just as fucking stupid as it looks. I think it's an expression of some form of cunning.

It attracted all of us in some repulsive way.

Though I do find the subtitle good:

"Taking a break from thinking about ourselves to write it down."

My other fave is:

"As the Head Betches, we think of ourselves like the Buddha, leading the uninformed masses to enlightenment and self-actualization. Follow us and you will achieve Zen power."

Fortunately for the masses the Head Betties will remain a speck of dust in the eye of contemporary human culture while contemporary human culture will remain will remain a speck of dust in the enlightenment of the Buddha.

Betties, your way out of your depth!

*Betch Slap!*

LOL
Comment Link Tuesday, 15 November 2011 23:23 posted by Trish
Idiots. That's all I can say. Everythings else is expletive deleted.
Comment Link Wednesday, 16 November 2011 01:00 posted by Matthew Lewis
I think this web site is hilarious. I also think that someone, inspired by the success of "Stuff White People Like", decided to copy what was done there in order to land a book deal or whatever. If you read some of the comments on the website, you'll get a sense that people take it too seriously or understand that it's a joke. Also, there are commenters who identify with being a 'betch'. This website is putting a name and a description to a sub culture which I think is out there, and no doubt will try to make a buck off of betches.
Comment Link Wednesday, 16 November 2011 01:05 posted by Matthew Lewis
Correction, this appears to be a spinoff or a copycat of the male version, check out

http://www.broslikethissite.com/

I find this website equally hilarious.
Comment Link Wednesday, 16 November 2011 01:23 posted by Matthew Lewis
Here's why bros like the wire

http://www.broslikethissite.com/2009/09/73-wire.html
Comment Link Wednesday, 16 November 2011 18:22 posted by TJ Dawe
Matt - I found this interview with the still anonymous BetchesLoveThis authors, saying:

BANGSTYLE: What made you want to create the site?

BETCHES: Well, the site actually happened accidentally. We felt like a female voice was needed to counteract all this “bro” culture. You know, books like, I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell, and The Bro Manual.

And there are plenty of sites out there following the success and model of Stuff White People Like: Stuff Christians Like (which also has a book), Stuff Black People Like, Stuff Black People Hate, Stuff Asian People Like, Stuff Geeks Like - it's a very digestible form on the internet.

And yes, the more important point isn't whether or not the authors mean everything they're writing on this site, but that betch culture exists. It isn't dominant, but it's out there (as Br. Dierkes and other attest). Plenty of commenters identify with the posts, without irony, without shame. They embrace these ideals. I'll keep my eyes on this trend and see if it grows. I suspect it will. Just like "bro culture" seems to be on the rise as well.