Entry 4- 4:53 pm, Jan.1/2011 (The Divine Within)
Today has been about falling in love at the next higher level, where we’ve transcended yet included the previous stage of differentiation and autonomy. But what does that look like? And how practically do we get there?
The following is just a brief sketch of some of what I’ve heard and retained today. There have been a few key principles that have come forth in today’s teachings. The first is that at this higher stage of relationship giving the other person full sovereignty is still of paramount importance. The other must have room to grow to their fullest capacities and potentials. However, the role of the partner is to provide support for that growth. Instead of coming from a place of personal need or entitlement, we must yearn for the becoming and growth of our partner. Instead of the petty personality needs that lead us to control and trap and negotiate with our partner, we enter into a sacred commitment to each other’s growth. We live in service to each other becoming conscious, beyond the personality. We even hold the other’s feet to the fire; we urge them from our own deepest place to live into their fullest self, we witness their latent powers and strengths and we call them forth with compassion and love. Together you create a container where two healthy beings can birth what’s waiting inside them.
There is, however, a catch here. The personalities we inherit, the conditioning we’re subject to as we grow up in family and world, will always be with us and are very hard to transcend in any final way. Thus we need a path to penetrate this front and unearth the divine dimension in the other (and self), and we were taught many practices in this regard today. There seems to be two core principles: the opening of the heart, and the recognition of the divine within the other. There is that famous Indian saying namaste, which means something like “the God within me salutes the God within you”. Ok, but what exactly does this mean, or rather, how do I truly do that? It means that within each one of us, right behind and in one’s eyes, resides the divine spark, the cosmic consciousness which is the source of all things, and which is our true nature. What we learn to do in sacred relationship is to as much and as consistently as possible look through the frontal personality and into that fire within. We see our beloved as The Beloved.
This might seem out there or airy fairy, but it’s not. Fred (from Winnipeg) and I did it together today in about ten minutes. But first Sally Kempton put us (all five hundred, in the main hall) through a yogic breathing exercise where we concentrated on breathing through our heart, from our backs right through the front. Seated in chairs across from our partner (always uncomfortable shit) we breathed in this way until the whole heart center was clearly open and energized. Then one partner held the space for the other to open up and express their deepest vulnerabilities; the listener was instructed to open the heart wide and to hold a space and container of pure receptivity for the other. The listener also peered straight into the eyes of the other, looking right into and through to the fire within, and we were to love that divine dimension with all the passion we could muster.
Poor Fred. At about sixty-two his wife had brought him along to be with her at one of these spiritual retreats she likes so much. He hadn’t done this kind of thing much before, and this was torture. I know, it hasn’t been long since I started doing these sorts of practices, and I’ll remember forever the profound discomfort I felt when I first had to. Fred was to tell me his deepest vulnerabilities, and I was to just sit in pure unflinching silent loving reception and absolutely love that divine quality that was inside him. When he went silent I was to simply ask, “Is there more?”. What a practice, bloody hell. Every time I asked Fred if there was more, well-springs gurgled up and I’m pretty sure he revealed more to me in that five minutes we spoke than maybe he had to anyone in his whole life. At the end I was instructed to simply ask, in my solid rock state, “Will you let your vulnerabilities be held”. Choking back the tears, Fred answered, “yes”. We then shared a real nice hug.
What a cathartic experience. As was said somewhere yesterday, “whatever you hide and keep hidden will run your life”. By loving Fred as much as possible in his deepest dimension, which is also my deepest dimension, we managed in a very short period of time to both release his repressed demons and to strengthen the deepest part of him laying dormant. The same happened for me.
The teaching team I mentioned yesterday, Arjuna and Chameli Ardagh, have spent many years now developing a whole series such of practices, often very short (like five to ten minutes), through which this conscious spiritual relationship can be developed. Their Deeper Love practice is from what I’ve seen the most practical and accessible way to start developing this type of relation. Their joint session today in the main hall was beautiful and moving, and was met with much love from the audience.
There’s been some fantastic talks in the evening here that I haven’t even been able to mention. Deepak Chopra gave an effortless and wide ranging keynote talk on consciousness and love. And Marc Gafni last night gave one of the most tour de force and inspiring talks I’ve ever witnessed. All day today other teachers have been referencing it. I look forward to when the video (or audio) is released, it’s a seminal and awe-inspiring look at love and the modern world, and much more besides. And today I had the great honor of listening to the Christian contemplative mystic Cynthia Bourgeault talk about love and relationships. Much of her wisdom is peppered throughout in what I’ve written above, and I’m pretty sure my encounter with her will resonate for much of my life.
Tonight it will be Coleman Barks reading the poems of Rumi, that great Sufi mystic of love, accompanied by a cellist. I suspect I'll be encountering more of The Beloved.
